Saturday, July 22, 2006

5 Songs I'd Love to Hear in a Strip Club

So I won't explain why I thought of this topic, I'll leave that up to you to figure out. I just feel like there are so many songs that would go great with some money makin rump shakin, but strip club DJs just aren't using them. I guess they don't really go for the most musically diverse DJs when they hire, but still. Anyways, in no particular order, these are 5 songs I'd play if I was Djing the strip club.

1. "Clipse of Doom" featuring Trife Da God by Ghostface Killah

Doom brings us this ridiculous, swirling guitar based beat that just really reminds me of behinds circling through the air. There really are a lot of Ghostface cuts that would do well in the titty bar (Cher Chez La Ghost, Jellyfish, and tons of others) but this one just sounds perfect. The guitar sound puts it a little closer to a lot of the cockmetal that you hear all the time in these places, and overall it has such a grimy feel to it.

2. "La La means I Love You" by the Delfonics

Now at least at the one strip club I've (allegedly) been to, they really never take the soul route, which I honestly think is a mistake. Listen to this song and tell me you couldn't imagine some nice body winding during the "la la la"s. Maybe they try to steer away from obvious love songs to keep horny single men from catching delusions of grandeur ("Bro, we totally had a moment. when they said, 'la la means I love you', I swear to god she looked at me bro. I'm gonna make a move"), but it just seems like the real answer here is that the DJs are just getting paid to play that cockrocking metal and top 40 rap.

3. "Into the Sun" by Diplo

Almost anything with sweet sounding female vocals and a good beat is going to work well for the booby shaking, this song just so happens to have both. The atmospheric instrumentation makes this song perfect for slow movements, but the percussion is lively enough to allow for some movin and shakin as well. It's totally versatile, or flexible, if you will.

4. "The Ride" by Alec Empire

If you find yourself in any place where you walk into the dark and are greeted by tons of flashing lights and colors, you're probably going to hear at least a touch of techno. That is, if you don't hear a ton of techno. Empire's opening screams of "come on get with it baby, I wanna ride you" are pretty much made for this venue. Although the punk rock influence was more evident in Atari Teenage Riot than it was in Empire's solo work, this song shows enough of it to achieve the same kind of grimy overall sound that makes it fit so well among all the naked ladies.

5. "Justify My Thug" by Young Hov himself

Booty rockin bassline. I could just leave it at that, but I really do love blowing hot air, so I'll keep going. Not only does this song have the right beat to keep those bodies moving, the vocal hook is jacked from Madonna. I mean, come on. It's Madonna. She's like 65 now and she's still all about the sensuality and the eroticism and what not. I mean, I know when I hear this song, my head bobs on its own, with no conscious instruction from my brain. I can only imagine what kind of bounce it could inspire in the booty.

Just on the off chance that someone is reading this, and on the slimmer off chance that they are any sort of feminist or anything, I hope I haven't offended you. I mean, if I have, no apologies, cuz it's all said and done. I'm just hoping no one got offended along the way here. I'm just trying to get strippers some better music to listen to. It's altruistic in a way.


1 comment:

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